remembering and decisions * to face in life

Its  the week that we remember 09.11.2001 , to get started i remember like it was yesterday . I remember i was off that day had just gotten out of bed a couple of mins followed the usual  routine i had just taken a shower when the first news of  it  came on the air. I remember loouking at the first tower as it smoldered with the big gaping whole in it , It was something that I never thought i would live through  in my life ,at the time i was 21 ,living at home and  working for tmobile at the time , I remember looking at the TV and wondering if it was for real ; or if i was just watching another hollywood movie ; i dont think at the time first transmissions came that anyone really understood that it was a terrorist attack  at the time . Itt  was hard to believe that it was real . But it did happen. I can imagine the horror that the people in the towelrs must have felt. Who in there  lifetime ever thinks about how there going to die ? I dont  think death is an every day subject that anyone sits around thinking about ,

What shocked me the most was those images of those people jumping from the tower  . I couldnt believe or begin to phathom the thought of what those people must of felt , for anyone to decide and take control of there own death the way they did . They had choices. Not good ones but i do believe that those who jumped psychology its a matter of self control . I guess we all realize we cant cheat death but if we had the choise of choosing how to die; which would it be ? Or maybe i realize and think that in the end some just wanted to breathe clean air  and not have to die smothered in flames beyond recognition. at least if you jump you can still be identified. Which is what I honestly think that these people were thinking ; I remember the couple who jumped to there on the day they jumped holding hands, or the woman who jumped still clutching on to her purse the most thing i remember is this image of this man ; the image is known world wide is the falling man . He was never identified . Its thought to believe that we know who it is but not 100% sure. I believe that everyone is entitled to any decision whether it be out of desperation or need or something you want to do ; These images to me are the most haunting of 09-11 to me anyways  There something that touches the soulf of anyone who sees them . To see these people fluttering through the air. but In the end i think I see where they would choosse this over any other way of dying. I guess its  a feeling of flying to heaven . Where i know they all are  . Remember 09-11 . Life can change an instant. never forget 09-11 . to remember is to respect lives taht were lost that day  .

 

August in Review ( lo bueno ,chingado, and the painful )

Well finally summer is almost over , august was very eventful for me .  Had a couple of situations  that came about, stressful situations , that caused me a huge headache on top of that were was all the incredible summer heat that we went through  YEAH im the one in texas DFW suffering through all the extensive heat 45 days plus of 100 degree weather . We finally got some rain last week , although it was weird and only lasted a couple of mins but that wet rain smell lingered for a while afterwards ,it felt so good , and although the sun the sun was out the humidity and that  rainy day felt good  aND Finally this week we started hiting below 100 degree weather ,which believe me you really do start to feel the temperature and notice it after such a long under same degree type .. Believe me  i began to feel tired, even after going to the gym . lol NOT because of the  pain of the workout but just because we had gotten so used to litterally everytime after you step outside , sweat starts pouring down that starts to get you after a while !!!

The second instance was dealing with a best friendship gone bad . I mean really horrible ; this is the type of friendship since childhood!! anyways my roommate and i had been living together for three months , now keep in mind that im 30 and we had been bestfriends since we were 12 , his family and mine were close , very close, my mother raised literally all his family , to understand my best hfriend whos name i wont mention , you have to understand  a little about his past. Heres a rough  breakdown of his past , he was raised by his sister  whos beena  lpn in the same clinic for over 20 years,  all becuase well his mother was a typical nutcase , bipolar, alcoholic, in and out of rehab so his sister had custody of him and raised him . We had always hung out just becasue well we wwere the same age and had alot in common we were inseperable , when i first moved to texas in 2007 he extended a helping hand in allowing me to move in with him , i lived wigth him for two years , it was a nightmare, *that saying you dont someone till you live with them * its true. He would do alot of things to make me miserable i would dread the thought of going home just becasue i was unsure of what mood he was going to be in . You never new , you had to do a ” mood” check ; and when he got him there was always that wasnt done to his liking . well anyways you get the picture.

I moved out two years later because of course i metsomeone fell in love the usual story .  ANYWAY . he had a “mental ” moment and moved back home . thinking he would be bettter off which of course was wrong it just led to another arrest . more history on his record . oh well back to present we began fighting out of nowhere.  One day there i am like an idiot knocking on his door and he steps out all pissed off and mad here i am trying to offer the man money and food : whod t urn down a free meal : i dont know why he got pissed after i knocked on his door but , well words lead to pushing and shoving and words are very hateful ; the truth always comes out when youre mad right . > you always say what you really feel when youre infurriated . But as it turns that he  was very unhappy here I realize we have a small two bedroom 1 1/2 bath duple but hey its still roomey but he was apparently unhappy for a while , i didnt realize the hat e he had always felt towards me . CONSIDERING  the  words used to describe   me by him i was called everything from a major bitch to anything 0n the block , and get this  all along i have always had him in such high esteem , not once do i think he would ever have anything positive to say this is the kidna of man that can t even say a simple courtesy word  such a thank you, and please. oh well thats him in a nut shell. BIPOLAR, CRAZY, PSCHOTIC, choice words but oh well .Needless to say i  quite sadDened by all this Deep down i wanted to apologize although i didnt know waht for but i didnt want to loose a friend but in the end i came to the conclusion its best not to have any negative people or karma in youre life , i feel content because i offered shelter in terms of him moving back to texas , and well got him started back up here . oh well may be one day well meet again , and who know maybe by then he will have matured. but it was messed up in the end : to give you and idea of how bad it all ended the day he left he didnt even say thank you , or nothing or even look he just throough the keys on the  coffee table and left ; packed his shit in the car of a friend in a hurry and that was the end of an era ….. in my life ; oh well . only time well tell if it was meant to be , I believe that sometimes people arent themselves when there angry . but time well tell. I guess some friendships arent meant to last . they just come and go and leave an inprint in you .

The third situation that hat to deal with is a day il never forget , it was thursday sept 1, 2011 , Of course i wondered if it was some kinda karma from the best friend situation but anyways , Everyone has dealt with a flat tire at one point in there life ; righT? WELL this one was different , very different  Let me paint a vivid picture of what i went through . It was a thursday  , i got up took a shower got dresseed, the usual morning routine, work was routine as usual , boring mind numbing phone call after phone call, i work in customer services for an energy company , the worst overpriced company * my personal opinion* But otherwise the job itself is easy. I went through the normal workday and then 5 pm hit omg , there it was the dreaded flat tire. and i could it wasnt a flat . the thread on the tire was completely dethreaded so yeah i deserved this i guess. Next time ill be more smart about tire care !!! well anyways i Get to the car and realize i have flat so the firs tthing i do ; is i open the trun to chekc and find the jack and cross for the BOLTS , of course its all not there !!! turns out my boyfriend had it in his car. Lucky me , i had the joy of going around the call center asking for assistance and of course half the people i asked just ignored me or pretended like they were in a hurry for their life ( so glad to know how united a company is)  but i did have two close friend s who attempted to help one just had a jack and the other of course just the cross but we went downstairs to where our vehicles were parked and of course the cross didnt fit my bolts so  i had to call the boyfriend and he of cours e was too busy literally had to beg him to comeup and help but he finally did, and i thought that the cross and jack were in his trunk but turns out he only had the jack ;so we had to drive to walmart which was 15 mins away , from so i didnt want to drive that far ,  i made him stop at a dollar general and a fiesta mart , of course in the car care aisle they had everything except the cross we needed , eventually i had to submit to walmart < i try to avoid it at all cost , you all know walmarts , long long long eternal lines. ect> but finally made my way down to the walmart got the cross and drove back to the car , and of course the boyfriend leavesrightaway , back home doesnt even wait for me to try the cross on the bolt to see if it fitz luckily it did !!! so there i am all hapy thinking for a moment that the horrible day was finally goingmy way , boy was i wrong, I got the tire off and jthen put the jack in hoisted up the car and as i was doing so not realizing that iwas parked ina slight slope , the car falls freaken forward !!!! it fell so hard i left an indent in the parking lot cement !!!! luckily no damage to the car . I took the jack out and put it back in again several times , each time same thing !!!! the car fell freaken forward, i was raging by the third time  it fell forward . I finally caved and had no other choice but to call AAA . of course it was funny The first thing i didbefore i even signed up was ask ” hey  Mr operator dan , if i have an emergency situation how long before i can use the services ” and luckily he goes right away sir there s no waiting period so i signed up for there services . and they were actually quick about getting there . from 5 to the time i called aaa it was bout 950 they got there like at 1030 it felt weird being at the cof the only person there just me and security but anyways the aaa guys finally came and ina snap hoirsted the car upu with the tow truck slapped the spare tire on the car and there i was on my way home . After sweating attempted through all times to hoist the car up !!!! oh well learned a valuable lesson car care is important… and im now the proud owner of a aaa membership which im sure will come in handy again . and you might think ok well ” end of story , what a loser” not the end !!!! i get up the next day and of course it was the day antonio left and i go out side ; and what !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the spare was flat. !!!!!!! how does someone get a flat on a spare !!!!!!!!! well apparently i do .  had to call aaa they put air in the tire and i was back in business went down to get the tires replaced and afterwards i had to call in that frieday juset because aaa response time well i called it in at 10 am and they didnt show up till about 1120 am . so there wasnt really a point for me to go to work all the way to irving for four hours . yeah once i got the tires i ended that friday affternoon with shots at on the border  .. LOL im such an alcoholic but the whole lesson i learned in this was always be better prepared . I now count with an electrical jack and electrick  bolt screw . !!! yeah went high class . and to all reading this word to wise always have a backup plan or be prepared for consequences . the texas heat is brutal not only you but on youre vehicle hence why my tire was shredded to begin with ! 😉 anways good night . signing off .