A wish right now .

Venom in youre words.

After three long years, I think me and my partner are coming to a crossroads!  Or a decision to stay or go finally.  Have you guys ever had a relationship that was torture yet beautiful?

That’s what this feels like a bitter surreal bliss, like I am in a twilight zone that I can’t get out of. Like I’m spinning round and round in a vortex pulling me further down. How is it that a couple can become so lost? And separated from one another.  When once everything starts out as fairytale then I guess life happens and you get to know the real person you’re with. I swear after years of getting to know someone I find that a person is like a layered fruit. You peel and peel and never get to the real person. And yet you still want to know and love  every layer of that person whether it’s sweet or sour.

Oh well.  Anyway how do find ways to cope with someone who’s emotionally erratic? In other words you don’t know what reaction they have if you approach them on something. I noticed what I don’t think is normal behavior.

I mean how is it that that a person reacts in away of throwing whatever next to them?

For some background information. My significant other” not to mention names  was raped as a child . Or he claims that he was sometimes I often wonder if it’s a madeup story .  I assume that has a lot to do with  reactions . But I need help I’ve tried therapy for my other. Psychologist everything in the book . I don’t know if its something that I  need to get them to let go  of or how can I  Help make someone more stable. AND they refuse to take any medications .

Some background on how we met . It was at a club in downtown Dallas, and yes up to then I Had never had anything stable to were I can call it a relationship . but  what can I say  it just happened so very very fast . We met then since then we never separated  we were with each other 24/7  we then  moved intoge ther  after  only 3 weeks of dating , yeah I know I felt that it was right then . Now weve been together for 3 years, I find it strange that now I can’t list anything that I LOVE about him.I still remember what I love about him and fell in love with at the start. And I was glad we found love in such a  Hopeless place .

I still feel love inside and want to help him as much as I can . but I wonder how .

Do you guys ever get the impression that you gotta wakeup and peek to look at someone  in the other room and see what kinda mood there in before theyre approached?  YEAH that’s what my homelife is feeling like . And I noticed he has growing  alcohol problem although he’s not violent . I noticed that his personality changes, so I don’t know how to approach this at all .Every time I do it ends in a huge fight.

It’s weird  the one person whom you’d swore you’ll always love is now the person you through the most  words and feeling venom as you spit them out at each other .How do you go back to a happy place when all normality is gone. When times were simpler .sometimes I wish I had one wish .

Feeling Lost. Any advice???

ZOMBIE

Zombie

05/11/2012
So its  now  5:45 pm Here I am at work still . I’m on  my 4th cup of coffee already . Thank god my company likes to keep us jazzed with all the free caffeine we can take !!! And I  just reached for a  7UP can . Everyone has left the office is now empty.

I work for “ the electricity company “  and yet here I am sitting and yet I feel like I’m not even here like I just went through the  whole workday and don’t even remember what I said or did four hours ago . …. Let alone what I had for lunch.

Is that sign that, I’ve become a zombie to the job?  A job which once 3 years ago I
Felt excited about ; and  loved the thought of  coming to work. It was the very first job that I can honestly I used to look forward to coming to everyday.
. I work in customer service, yeah the  “ why is my bill high”  eternal question type of job. Some days I just wanna shoot the person on the other line. !!! I mean really is it that hard to understand youre energy bill , just turn youre shit off and it’ll be much better ! but of course I can’t do that  .

Oh well  geez I wish I Could be like the POWERINCORPORATED commercials if you haven’t seen them or don’t know what I am talking about AND aren’t from texas heres samples ;  geez this would give customer services a whole new turn lol herese some samples.

But how is it that people just go through life like a zombie punching a time card everyday and not doing what they love? Have you ever wanted to do what you love and get paid for it ? Im no dummy and know that bills need to be paid but how can you love what ya do ?  What you do is only a part of you it doesn’t define who you are.

That’s why im praying that my photography works out ! well see what the future holds . But until then I’m in my little cubicle trapped. Is a job just like a relationship how do I rekindle the fire I once felt for my job?

Why are these lights so bright?

Trip to Vegas 2012

I recently went to Las Vegas ! yeah exciting but out come of the trip was way different .

So it started all regular the usual stuff. Got on the plane boarded and everything. Everything going excellent, I love LOVE Love Las Vegas, the thrill, the excitement, people, theres something always to do at every hour, you can’t ever go bored with Las Vegas. The majesty of the hotels was amazing . Being there makes you feel amazing amongst all the crowds of people, and the amazing street performance that are always available ! . Best of all I had the time to spend with my bestie Jacob , that’s Jacob an awkward person when you first see him but once ya get to know him hes just awesome ! 😉 Proof of that is , get this , when we were taking off and landing hes the only person who will yell “ woohoo “ in the middle of a full plane, yeah slightly embarrassing , but hey , that’s my Jakey , we’ve been friend for almost 9 years , And hes one of the very few people from Wichita, Ks that still come to Dallas to visit me 😉 hes a character once you get to know him;-)

We stayed At the Riviera Hotel& Casino , and it was amazing , . We of course didn’t spend anytime in the hotel room. I did attend there buffet though I must say Of all the buffets I’ve Been to it wasn’t my cup of tea the selection was very limited for a buffet . The best one of course is MGM GRAND buffet I go back everytime I go to Las Vegas , The next one after that is the Circus Circus Buffet there selection was excellent and not as expensive as MGM Grand Buffet and the staff was really nice.

I did gamble , of course didn’t win anything but $40.00 I started with a $10.00 and that was the most I won. The rest of the time I just relaxed, enjoyed the buffets and the rest of what experience has to offer. My highlight was the Eiffel tower experience, I Absolutely loved the view from the top. I t brought back memories from my time in the real Paris!
Heres some pics .

It was a good 4 days spent, I got to use my tax refund for the trip ! so putting Uncle Sams money was finally good . I used the experience to go see shows that I haven’t gotten to go see as many times as I’ve been to Las Vegas

I know tackie but true , In the two times I’ve been to Las Vegas I have never been to a Showgirl s show ! like real true Las Vegas Show girls show girls , so I booked us tickets to go see Jubilee. It was awesome . At first thought Oh wow, a topless review ! odd for me to weirded out but hey That’s me , below is a link to website and youtube review.

The show itself was amazing the gala event ! Outfits were stunning , and I can’t imagine how those girls work in the outfits .The show was just spectacular can’t say anything bad about it , it’s a good experience to have to see a bit of old Las Vegas in Modern Format . The show was great I wont reveal anything to not spoil it for you all ! I highly recommend it its worth the $130.00 seats for it . The colors of the outfits, the hairdos and the girls were breathtaking Theres something in the show for everyone !

The next show I went to was Ka . Ka well what can I say ! it’s just a stellar show , Proof of a show no matter how many times you go see it you never get tired of it .
I’ve seen the show evertime I’ve gone back to vegas . Love it ! If you don’t see any shows ever in Vegas then at least take the time to see this one . It will be an experience that you will remember for life . It is will worth the time and money you spend . From the first scene to the last in the show the scenery is magic happening right before youre very own eyez. Heres a preview of the story that is KA

On the eventful side My allergies just plane sucked on the trip . It got so bad that I even had to go to the ER and get an allergy shot ! I lost a couple of hours that day but oh well other then that the trip was memorable 😉

And last here’s some pics from the trip hope you enjoy them

Several months In Review ;-)

Several months , IN review

 

 

So sorry I Havent blogged in like forever !!!! I ‘ve been busy with so many new projects new at work and also  personal . 

 

 

For starters lets see since last time I blogged I’ve opened up my own photography  business !! It’s so important me , I’ve wanted to do this for the longest!. Granted I haven’t  made any money off of it yet but the work Im turning out does make me very very proud !  Or at least I  think I am awesome anyways !

 

I decided Universal Images LLC is what I should name I t I wanted nothing with photography written in it , eventually I want to be able wedding planning services along w/ videography and everything included in the package, if you  guys wanna see my work 

www.wix.com/universalimages/com   I haven’t  bough t the domain name  yet , still wanting to do a couple of sessions to upload and fill the galleries .  Don’t know why I all the sudden my love for the photography field just opened up again . I hadn’t had a camera in ages and I happened to pickup one of my friends DSLR camera again a couple of months and my love just reignited  since then Ive been busy shooting “ fake weddings” Yes photographers  do use models when they get started , HEY  cant blame them  a real bride wouldn’t  hire a photographer with northing to show right ?  and a lot of  quincenera s from family and  I used all my family , anyones always up for a free photography session .  And if youre in t he DFW and wnana do a session for free let me know… I  just love photography though . everytime I am behind the camera I feel a sensse of Peace that I can’t get anywhere else . And I feel that I am helping create a memory that someone’s  going to cherish forever.  AND hopefully one day Ill start to make money off  of ti to  where I can quit the  9-5 , customer service jobs are a  bitch * Oh well enough bout that . otherwise

 

Got diagnosed with type 2 diabetes, yeah ! 32 YEAR old’s do get that too , and its weird to me, I look at myself and yet I feel fine like I don’t have anything .  Im healthy , exercise regularly and even with that I still get diagnosed with diabetes.  The doctor advised me that it  was probably genetics. As a latino of course im into the greasy yummy tacos , and lots of carbs !  but  thankfully this has opened my eyez a lot into life itself though , I never new how much effect food can have on youre body .  I now follow the diet , lots of vegetables , greens etc , and work out Monday through Friday  on a regular basis.  It feels weird to walk into  mcdonalds and order a salad , unheard of for me !!!!

 

But all this stuff about diabetes does depress you , having to remember pills daily etc , hard work! I no w admire my parents more then ever .  And It’s funny Though I never ever felt side effects on it till I started on the medications, I started taking GLB/METFORMIN AND for blood pressure Lisinoprole , God It’s been horrible though

I ve had and felt every effect on the pills side effect list. The worst is One night out of the blue I started to feel cramping in my legs, horrible cramping , I felt like I was going through an exorcism the way the legs were bending ! I finally then decided to change the medications  , I haven’t felt anything yet and had any sideeffects since then . So Im very thankful that , and try to wakeup and lift myself everyday . I’ve always someone who came from a  very negative place from how I  was raised So getting up now with the diabetes has become a challenge, I just have to lift my spirits even harder everyday . I guess that s why I got back into photography , I needed something to hold on to and keep me going .

 

Other then that I’m looking forward to finally going back home , Ill be visiting my home town  of Wichita ,KS and getting to spend time with my family , with all this ive missed my parents so much . So it’l be good to go back home and spend quality time with them . for a couple of day s and at the same time I  get to shoot my couzin’s quinceñera . ! 

 

OtherWise not much eles is new I do want to continue ,  writing I find it to be  very therapeutic.  So more blogs to come in the future.  It wont just be personal blogs ill be blogging on whatever I feel !!! . 😉  thanks for reading if you are.