Month: June 2013

our twisted way of thinking ,,, can we all change ??

LONZI Uncategorized

taken from an article, it made me wonder , are we all doomed as the human race ? how can we believe and change for the good of humanity ? 

 

 

 

TEN TYPES OF TWISTED THINKING

 

1. ALL-OR –NOTHING THINKING: YOU SEE THINGS IN BLACK AND WHITE CATEGORIES. YOU ARE DICHOTOMOUS THINKER”. IF YOUR PERFORMANCE FALLS SHORT OF PERFECT, YOU SEE YOURSELF AS A TOTAL FAILURE. A MORE RATIONAL APPROACH WOULD BE TO SEE LIFE IN A MORE “UPSIDE”-DOWNSIDE” DIMENSTIONS. EVERY EXPERIENCE IN LIFE HAS BOTH AN UPSIDE” AND A DOWNSIDE”.

 

2. OVERGENERALIZATION: You see a single negative event as an never ending pattern of defeat. You arbitrarily conclude that one event that happened once will occur over and over again. “Always” and “never” characterize this type of thinking. For example, you may say “I’ll NEVER please my wife!” or “he is ALWAYS late for dinner!”

 

3. MENTAL FILTER: You pick out a single negative detail and dwell on it exclusively so that your vision of all reality becomes darkened. It is taking events out of context and concluding that the whole situation is negative. For example you focus on one or two rough spots in an otherwise great day.

 

4. DISCOUNTING THE POSITIVE: You reject positive experiences by insisting they “don’t count” for some reason or other. For example, you receive nice compliment and you say to yourself, “They are just being nice?” when receiving a compliment, a simple “Thank You” is sufficient.

 

5. JUMPING TO CONCLUSTIONS: You make a negative interpretation even though there are no definite facts that convincingly support your conclusion.

a. Mind Reading: You arbitrarily conclude that someone is reacting negatively to you, and you don’t bother to check this out. For example, “He thinks I’m unattractive!”

b. Fortune Telling: You anticipate that things will turn out badly, and you feel convinced that your prediction is an already established fact. For example, “What’s the point in doing that” She wouldn’t like it!”

 

6. CATASTROPHIZING (FATALIZING): You exaggerate things to the point of “blowing things out of proportion”. You expect the worst! For example, a small “spot” on the skin gets magnified to the point of prematurely diagnosing yourself with terminal illness.

 

7. MINIMIZATION: You minimize or deny your desirable qualities or accomplishments. You “gloss over” the positive. This is called the “binocular trick” where you look through the wrong end of the binoculars and see things much “smaller” than they are.

 

8. “SHOULD STATEMENTS”: You try to motivate yourself with shoulds and shouldn’t, as if you had to be punished before you could be expected to do anything. “Musts” and “oughts” are also offenders. The emotional consequence is guilt. When you direct should statements toward others, you fee anger, frustration, and resentment.

 

9. LABELING AND MISLABELING: You judge yourself instead of your behavior. For example, you say “I’m stupid”, Instead of “I’m a person who sometimes does stupid things!”

 

10. PERSONALIZATION: You see yourself as the cause of some negative external event which in fact you were not responsible for. You think that all situations revolve around you. For example, you are late for an appointment and you come upon some unanticipated highway construction. You conclude “They knew I would be coming through here at this time.”

 

**If you catch yourself falling into Twisted Thinking above,  You can turn it around with POSITVE THINKING!!**

 

“YOU CAN,  ONLY IF YOU BELIEVE YOU CAN!”

HAPPINESS .

LONZI Uncategorized

One thing that I have yet to figure out or explain is happiness, like the kind of happiness where you always feel uplifted and where nothing can dampen your spirits. There are days when you feel like you know what happiness is and then there are those days where you feel like I have never felt happiness. There are days when you feel like there is literally a hole in your heart, and there are other days when your heart is full of love. Now when I say love, I mean love towards other people and not just one person.

I think it feels like sometimes it is hard for us to be able to sit back and analyze our emotions and how we are doing. I know that I for one have a really hard time figuring out how I feel sometimes. So when you are breaking inside but don’t know what to do what do you do? Well as a rule of thumb don’t just sit there and try to figure it out, do something that may help. It doesn’t matter if you walk, run, write, listen to music, or bake a cake; just do something that is a form of emotional release.

I truly believe that everyone deserves to be happy. Most people want to be happy, but you want to be able to be happy for extended periods of time and not just temporarily. Some days it just hits you hard, and you almost don’t know how to deal with it. Like we all have those people that we talk to or used to talk to, but what happens when most of those people are gone or when you can’t get in touch with those people often? That changes the dynamic of things; it enables you to have those people that you can release your emotions to.

The truth is that we cannot force happiness upon ourselves but we can try as hard as we can to live life normally and hope that happiness one day finds us. 

THERAPY SESSION 1 ,

LONZI Uncategorized

So last saturday I had my first therapy session , in years, I hadn’t . I hadnt been to therapy since my high school sophomore incident, yES I was suicidal at one point IN my life, and im not ashamed of it . It was a moment in my life that i dont regret . and I learned alot from .

But now back to the reason why I went to therapy , Is just maybe , well I started to see the same thoughts again. That feeling of emptyness and worthlessness. I don’t know where it’s coming from or how it creeped up on me . I guess combination of Michael’s breakup and Dads illness and everything just started to pile up at once. So I becaame stressed and overwhelmed. with anxiety . Uncontrollable . So off to therapy I went . Didnt think that I would have the emotional break down I did . but Somehow once i was there all the feelings I have been hiding, became like a river of  lava, flowing through me . I hadnt cried in years. i VE Become so numb to emotion , Usually I just block out feelings and any connections.

I guess thats why michael hurt me th emost it was the first person i allowed myself to meet and get to know since my diagnosis and i let my self go with the thought to fast to soon .

and then just everything happening in mylife it felt like  a pile of bricks that tumbled down .

Now i must go rebuild that wall and build a strong wall .  WELL anywazy back to therapy session. I t went well . I learned that I need to learn to say ” NO ”  … and to just walkaway from any situation that doesnt benefit me .. Little by little  I know that my sun will shine again. and Ill be back to good old fashion Alonso . well see how next session goes .

DEALING WITH DADS DIAGNOSIS ,

LONZI cancer, close to me, DECISIONS, EMOTIONS, FEELINGS, HATE, HEALTH, IRVING, LIFE, LOSS, LOST, LOVE, REGRET, SADDNESS, SET, SICKNESS, SORROW, STAND, sympathy, time, Uncategorized

SO recently I learned that my father has stage four lung cancer, , Random thoughts started to race through my head .many many  thoughts, from , will he live to how will , what when why . I have yet to accept and bring the fact that he does have it …I keep hoping its a a dream , and that ill wake up and will snap out of it .

But gone are the days and times of play time in the park with my father ,as reality sets in i prep for the worst but hope for the best at the same time . Maybe there is some what glimmer of life in him left To where he can fight it off. but who knows whats in store for us.

all i know is that he has been there for me through thick and thin and never once turned his back on me, LIKE when i came out , and many other times he could have shut the door on me and never did . Why is it yet that I can’t force myself to face him yet. Everytime I have called Ive had an emotional breakdown and just start crying . Now Here I sit not knowing what to do . How to act or be there for my family. How can i help . I havent called them in three days and begin to hate myself for it . knowing Im wrong for it . but how can i Help ?

is there really hope ? ?

I really don’t know what to do with myself at this point, which I’m also oddly at ease about. Ive been an emotionally ravaged zombie existing day-to-day without much inflection or opinion about anything occurring around me. Ive been THAT self absorbed. and part of me has been witnessing this trend from within, and wondering how long I was going to be incapable of shirking the toxicity and letting it simply grow to infest my entire outlook like his cancer. I suppose, barring any sudden regression (I’m very prone to jump the gun when I go through these phases and write posts like this. yes, its happened before. just not this drastically) I have my answer? Whatever part of me is now speaking has been quarantined in the back of mind fretting and pacing and adding to an overall feeling of anxiety about life and my perceived inability to influence it rather than be influenced by it. Piss and moan, eh? and yet i know i have to be there for him but how ? is telling a cancer pt itll be ok . really enough ? .

….you had me at hello .

LONZI Uncategorized , , , , , , , , ,

I caused a chain reaction in your life

Events that were not supposed to happen

Tears that should have never been shed

Pain that was never to be felt by you

With my best intentions for you

I hurt you more than anyone

and im sorry about everything .

just know that i might have been

blinded for a second but regret

my actions and eveyrthing .

You had me at hello .

You sheltered my soul for a short

while . it was fun while it lasted.

but i know i ll remember for ever.

You were like a satelite. You came

and went so fast but inprinted in my  heart forever.

although i know you might think the worst of me .

Im not that person i was lost fo r a second and in love.

becuase u had me at hello .

Ill remember the good times . and not the bad.

I wish you the best and if ever at a crossroads

in life we meet again

maybe then we might be ready to love each other again .

My heart

despite everything that did happen will always be open .

to recieve you . I hope you find happiness and serenity and love you are looking for .