GLITTER IN THE AIR, FRIENDSHIPS, EMOTIONS, LONELINESS, and thank yous .

Last night while out on the town again, on one of my fabulous nigthlife excursions ..

A sense of belonging came over me. I dont know why but it just diD. Usually I have always thrived being alone without anyone . But as stood at the tin room all alonE.Surrounded by a crowd of people I felt very alone .

I began to notice something . After going out alone so many times I just realized that the one thing  missing from my life is a group of friends. Yes you know a group of friends like the group on friends the tv show. The ones you know will be there for you  when you just wanna go out and hangout and leave the rest of your problems behind.The ones that will call you Just to see how you are and and actually want to know and friends just that just want to seek you out.

I realized that when it comes to the majority of the “friends” I have im usually the one seeking them out to get together. Go out and do stuff . After soul searching I only have two friend and thats Marian AND Jacob the rest of them that I had I  had to Give  them up for the sake of my relationship. *When your in love you do stupid shit* For some unknown reason my  ex never seemed to be able to get along with any of my friends. There was many arguments  when my friends would come over. Yet I was always able to get along with his.. In fact I became very close to them. They all quit talking to me once we splitup at that point I didnt have anyone left . .Yet  I gave  up my friends  for someone who i thought was going to be apart of my life forever . And Now im paying the price of my mistakes. And just cant seem to bring myself to allow myself into a ” group” of friends.  Jacob was one relationship that I was able to recover after the messup that was my ex Edmundo . Im thankful for his friendship, its been a 12 year friendship with JACOB . love him . And thank you to Marian , youve alway s been there for me . LOVE YA

1st pic me and jacob , 2nd middle pic me and Marian , 3RD ME and edmundo , edmundos the one with the glasses ..

Now I sit here wondering why am I feeling lonely . Im happy and content with my life but just want to fill it up a bit more . I just wish someone would genuinely care about me even just as a friend  . I believe I am a good person and ive always been outward and outspoken , But why am I having such a hard time connecting with people in general?