Prince charming is really fucked up….I always get the good ones

So I just went out with a group of friends….Everything was fine.    Had a really nice time .But. I got home around 2it was an average night .. I get home fall asleep …the phone rings ..
Conversation was as follows …meanwhile im groggy and still half assed asleep ..
Me -where are you
Him- babe im at midtowne spa
Me -mmmmmm..your calling me to tell me this because ?
Him-I love you ..
Me-youve ignored my calls and text for three days.
Him-im fd up I need you
Me -what did you take ?
Him-extacy, ice coke and everything
Me -call a taxi

At this point im enraged ..and hang up on him….This is supposed to be someone im interested in and that I thought I waa getting to know ..

He rings me again

I answer

Him -I love i love you
****then he starts balling crying over the phone at this point I new he was really messed up ****
All im thinking is why me ! This has happened to me twice already. Same situation…DIFFERENT GUYS

So me being the good hearted man that I am …end up telling him .Ill pick you up ..so at 4 am there i am in front of midtowne spa waiting …for my individual….he walks to the car bearly ….hes that messed up ..He even tries t o kiss me …
***mind you midtowne spa is a sex club *** so here it is 4 am now …I drove him from dallas to garland ….he did n othing but cry all the way home. …I just turned up the music the whole time …and he sat there apologizing to me blaming it on his mental illnes * same as the other one* im thinking really bitch your 29 & shou ld have self control….I got more and more enraged the last one I took care of him still afyer all this …this one I just dropped him off at home and called it a day ..

Now getting to why I wrote this …Why do I always attract men with issues .??

  Ive taken care of every single type of gay man with issues …The one who was a whore, the crackhead, the selfish insecure one , the asswhole who did nothing but workout to make himself look better,the asswhole because he had money and felt like he could treat everyone like he wNted because of his money , the vein one ..Every type ..Ive had them. AND Im dumn enough to have still ” stayed ” with them.

Why can’t I just meet a normal healthy mentally and spiritual person .
I always get the broken ones that need fixed .

I cant be the fixer anymore its getting to me. .

I know perfect amd normal doesnt exist but wow ..a boy can only take so much …And yes all these bitches I took care of in the end  didnt even thank me .We arent even friends ….single life sucks and dating is the pitts. ..but im still hopeful theres a descent person out there for me.

real definition of dumping CLICHES

1. Its not you its me , , means you just weren’t hot enough to rock their boat

2. I need to focus on my career ,, Means they have a new crush at work they are working on .

3. I’m not over my past relationship . .. means your really not their type and they are waiting for the better option still .

4.  I need time to focus on me ,, means you were to clingy and they want to be a whore .

5. We are just not at the same level ,, Means they want someone who has a better job,car, makes more money , aka SUGAR DADDY/MAMA

6.  I’m not ready for something like this right now. Means, You  weren’t at the level of hotness they expected when they saw ya naked .

7. I think we’d be better as friends , means  you suck in bed probably .

8.You should be with someone who can treat you the way you deserve. Means they are selfish and just plain don’t want to make an effort , * This is a nicer way of saying I’m not that into you ”

9 .I don’t deserve you . . . you’re too good for me, means you are probably boring and predictable .  (change it up! )

10. I need space, Mean you were to needy , In other words they couldn’t take your 500 text messages a day anymore.

So if these lines were used on ya , now you know what they really mean ! JAJA 😉

Dear John Doe ” lets play chess?

You, with your switching sides and your walk-by lies and your humiliation You, have pointed out my flaws again as if I don’t already see them. I know  myself well enough..
I’ll walk with my head down trying to block you out ’cause I’ll never impress you .The fact being you are not a good person.  All you will  ever be,in comparison to me is nothing . I’m a lot stronger then most people would dare to think . . Those you underestimate are the ones whom you should be looking out for.

Karma will take care of everything . Here I am again washed up and ranting about the same thing  again there you were with the same old line on the same ” I’m sorry” You painted me a pretty picture that I so ignorantly believed. Maybe because I’m so young and ignorant . Always believing in love and happiness.  Once again thank you to all for proving to me .

Im not sure if this is me or is it you ? Why do most men in general treat dating a like chess game. And I’m the queen your trying to checkmate?  Yet I always fall back in to the game waiting on your next move . I might be young at heart . Don’t men care about the feelings of  another ? or is it just people are insensitive period.

And for the sake of not getting hurt I didn’t let you start a fire because of this reason . Now I am shinning bright without you . I might have cried for a day or two but that’s all you get . To moving on and the dating game that is chess.

john doe being  aka anyone Ive ever dated or ” gotten to know” . Men in my life.

textually active * activate my last nerve.

 

 

why is it always that the people that piss you off the most are the people you actually want to talk to like your crush , or that guy your seeing .

 

OK so I never initiate this kinda of text but a couple of days go I’m like

<hey guy wanna do some Skype.

and yes my text was ignored, NOT cool … I didn’t get aresponse for another 2 freaking . days .. and all he was was like .Oh i was I was tired  and im thinking in the back of my head  <what , three finger punches dude NO(SEND) would’ve  been all I needed and been fine with it .  And well It just means this moron had better options and I’m nobodys option b..I’m either your option A or we no option at all .

2nd pet peeve , FB FRIENDS… you see them update their status and there all like  “WATCHING ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK ON NETFLIX , OMG LOVE THIS SHOW”  you message them on their phone  (because your friends and your cool like that )  unlike their other 80 billion Facebook friends.  and then 3 hours go buy and absolutely nothing .. not a response at all .  I’m like really ,, doesn’t take that long of a courtesy to say ,, something like busy , brb.. or respond;; cant talk right now brb … BRB something short in response would be nice instead of leaving me hanging . With no response at all .. and then i’m left sitting at home all pissed and like ” I hate orange is the new black ” night ruined; that’d be FACEBOOK status update after something like that . LOL

 

3rd pet peeve , Use of the word cool. COOL to me is like telling someone ” I don’t give a fuck”. How in the hell do you come back from that ? in chat rooms and dating apps if a guys answer to anything is “cool ” then Im usually turned off and dismiss from dating potential .. You just cant go anywhere from there for reals .

 

4th pet peeve.. K.. K shouldnt be the answer to any thing other then stating a fact or awaiting confirmation .  Example

on the way to your place ; k

on the way home can you pickup a burger from  mc; k

see what I mean , awaiting confirmation or stating a fact .

5th pet peeve .

when someone  Initiate s a conversation with you : Example , HE SENT me

Im at chipotle , what ya doing ;; my response ; relaxing at home watching tv.. then after that nothing .. * dont leave me hanging*  .. period .

 

One day if I text you dont be surprised if your walking out your house and see me sitting  outside chances are you pissed me off and im about to go mortal combat on you. And it just means I texted you and you didnt answer . Your fault.  Im weird like that .  Common courtesy goes along way .

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

askhole* yeah you . 85% of my friends ;-) love ya .

So we all have that one friend whos always coming to you for advice,  Then we gladly give it to them .. And of course that fucker goes and does the exact opposite of what you tell them to do .. I  mean think about it me as your friend will come back to you and answer with all complete honesty all you people know that the friend will value you and tell you the right thing to do . When you come to me im  a give ya my opinion but ill probably also pull out all the good stuff like , graphs, charts, reporst, hell even google analytics shit on ya .. So there for you know Im invested in your well being .

Dont come back at with the same problem over and over; Ill give you two phone calls on the same issue then were done .. example of what i mean ..

 

me -hi

friend- Whos that nice looking  girl on your fb leaving all them comments,

me – her name is (eva ) shes ok and hot but ,, crazy ! .

 

Two weeks later ;; same friend

me -hi

friend- hey i hooked up with that eva girl…* shes crazy

me-told ya so

****meanwhile* evas in car in front of my friends house in her car with baniculars  doing lord knows what.. See I told ya she was crazy …

 

Thats an askhole ….

 

another example,

me- you found your boyfriend deleting message s again , and he still doesnt appreciate you .. * didnt we have this conversation before * mmmmm

 

See caring is one thing but buy the thrid time that your coming at me with the same problem , Im just not gona care , dont be surprised if I  show up at your front door and go madea on you ..

When you ask for a friends advice if you already  know your gonna do the exact opposite then dont bother coming to me with the problem ! !!!..

Why isnt there always an answer ? Somethings nobody knows .

 

 

Recently I’ve been feeling so disconnected from everyone, as if i am on another page. I am a pretty social person,always the life of the party .confident. smart,  I know Im not ugly, and I have a family to come home to at night Well my dogs , lol  I consider them family  but I’ve been feeling so depressed and lonely for some reason  I cant come up with an answer ..
I’ve recently figured out myself that  I cant trust anyone in this world except for your family .
I  know that having a well established relationship with someone helps alot in times like these were I feel like the worlds against me because I’ve had a  Boyfriend before but  I  just dont have any motivation at all anymore to even bother with one right now.

When I go on “dates” its like hes here and im always ways over there  in another world. I like the people who i meet but the connection itself hasnt been strong enough, I just dont know if its me or them ? . I cant seem to connect anyof them . Is it that ive been so jaded that keeping to myself is a selfpreservation thing ? or what ?? How can it be this hard when love is what I want the most .

 

Iim losing my self confidence, self esteem, and i feel a little depressed because everything was really good at one point were even if I didnt have a guy i can always be a little happy with  Who  I am ,

I  am so confused about life its driving me insane..

Caught Up .

Have you caught up in what you cannot see?
Well, if you give me respect
Then you’ll know what to expect.Little .

Expect out of me what you put in

I can only give of myself as much as you do .

They are just children…

 

The issue has been hot in the news lately and It just breaks my heart when I read the nasty comments that some people have left behind on the issue. Yes it probably shouldn’t be our issue but in the end if you can help a child why would you turn your back on a poor defenseless little child. These parents that  sent them here aren’t evil .. They sent them here with the hopes of better future. We can’t judge them harshly for this . We aren’t in the same situation as they are . I don’t see how parents are doing this. It takes alot of need and courage to send your child away alone.  I may not have a kid but I have dogs and I can’t even imagine them getting lost out there alone. These kids are lost alone, scared,hungry and im sure trusting those coyotes that don’t care about anything but themselves and the money they bring in .

A solace disregard for these children wont do anything . Why are we not doing anything about this ? all i hear Is our homeless. our vets our problem.  Love and help out as much as you can people . If you can help help in anyway. I volunteer at  a nursing home and also a childrens cancer center.

Im not better for this , Im just doing my little part.

Why cant you ?

 

GLITTER IN THE AIR, FRIENDSHIPS, EMOTIONS, LONELINESS, and thank yous .

Last night while out on the town again, on one of my fabulous nigthlife excursions ..

A sense of belonging came over me. I dont know why but it just diD. Usually I have always thrived being alone without anyone . But as stood at the tin room all alonE.Surrounded by a crowd of people I felt very alone .

I began to notice something . After going out alone so many times I just realized that the one thing  missing from my life is a group of friends. Yes you know a group of friends like the group on friends the tv show. The ones you know will be there for you  when you just wanna go out and hangout and leave the rest of your problems behind.The ones that will call you Just to see how you are and and actually want to know and friends just that just want to seek you out.

I realized that when it comes to the majority of the “friends” I have im usually the one seeking them out to get together. Go out and do stuff . After soul searching I only have two friend and thats Marian AND Jacob the rest of them that I had I  had to Give  them up for the sake of my relationship. *When your in love you do stupid shit* For some unknown reason my  ex never seemed to be able to get along with any of my friends. There was many arguments  when my friends would come over. Yet I was always able to get along with his.. In fact I became very close to them. They all quit talking to me once we splitup at that point I didnt have anyone left . .Yet  I gave  up my friends  for someone who i thought was going to be apart of my life forever . And Now im paying the price of my mistakes. And just cant seem to bring myself to allow myself into a ” group” of friends.  Jacob was one relationship that I was able to recover after the messup that was my ex Edmundo . Im thankful for his friendship, its been a 12 year friendship with JACOB . love him . And thank you to Marian , youve alway s been there for me . LOVE YA

1st pic me and jacob , 2nd middle pic me and Marian , 3RD ME and edmundo , edmundos the one with the glasses ..

Now I sit here wondering why am I feeling lonely . Im happy and content with my life but just want to fill it up a bit more . I just wish someone would genuinely care about me even just as a friend  . I believe I am a good person and ive always been outward and outspoken , But why am I having such a hard time connecting with people in general?

19. CLOUD NINE .we all want love but….

 

So ,thiS is about a “ date” from last night , awkward one , that I had  , don’t know how to feel about it so decided to do what I do best , and write about .

Ok so we all have apps on our telephone for dating, don’t judge me. Still searching for Mr right, well this is the story about “Andrew” and my awkward “ date” , date used loosely .  Andrew is a guy that I have been talking to on and off for a brief week. We had had good conversations over the phone, thought that he could be possibly someone that I might like and might be more with. You know that feeling.

Well anyway s we finally had the opportunity to hangout last night , We met for drinks at applebees at around 1000 pm last night , which was ok I never put pressure on a date or label a date a date , its usually just hanging out to me .  But anyways,  a little about him hes 19, a corrections officer.  I had put him off and never met him just because of the age difference , I Know they say age is just a number, not entirely true. There are differences.  One thing I have noticed is the immaturity levels for example when a couple with a 10 year difference or something like that that  usually after a breakup the oldest one in the relationship always takes longer to move on while the younger one is usually quick and moving on fast to the next one… Im fine where I am at my age, but sometimes younger folks just want to move to fast .And that was exactly the issue with him, I Could see stars in his eyes as he was talking to me , In the back of mind im thinking “hes one of those” I can like a a guy but wont give in unless I know him first. And just becuase i  say i like you dont read to much into it . I  like getting to know the person and not rush in at all into anything . IvE DONE that before and its gotten me nowhere good and it usually ends quick and horribly. AS you cane see by my previous many posts .

 

Why does everyone have to move into and label everything ? why not just get know to the real person . I wish I could find someone who could devote time to me in this aspect and not expect anything from it . I know we are all searching for love and want love but why not let things happen naturally ?  we may say we don’t but in the end what are we living for ? were humans and as humans we all want to be loved .

Today Ive already felt like a broke his heart  he was texting me the usual . so whatd you think ? feel anything ? I did for you, so he told me .  It scares me when people want something so fast . I finally had to tell him ok we can be friends and get to know each other , but just realize that just because I like you doesn’t mean anything or that it may lead to anything . Then he just totally got pissed and the messages changed in tone , in terms of his responses to me . Oh well who knows what will happen with this one , guess another one bites the dust .

Was I too harsh with him ? or what other thing could I said , Im ready for a relationship , but just don’t want to rush anything and make bad choices again . How do I explain this to people , without sounding like a douche ?